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January 30th, 2005

02:09 pm I've noticed something unfortunate. I'm far too thin skinned and soft hearted. I really don't mean to get hurt as easily as i do but damn, when i do, it really hurts. and i know pretty much no one has a clue what caused this because the whole incident was so small and dumb...but it really hurt me deeply. That and listening to my mother talk to herself all day while she cleans is enough to drive the best of us to the end of our wits. Current Mood: sad

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January 4th, 2005

05:08 pm My GPA is almost a 3.5....yaaay. I pride myself on having a good immune system...i haven't really been sick for two years or so. Which makes it so fitting that all of a sudden i should catch the flu and an ear infection all at once. True to my nature though, 2nd day in and i'm feeling just fine. That, and I've had so much downtime that i knit myself an iPod cozy. Its mint green and quite the utilitarian peice. Brian is LOVELY. I hadn't posted it up here but the 31st/1st marked our 1st year anniversary, and things couldn't be better. Really, i love him so. Eny and I will have a knitting group, we will. Mainly because we share knitting books and needles and yarn, yay. Main downfall: I still need to sew myself up a bag for all the knitting paraphinalia. EGH. You know, I'm noticing the internet is not as much of an addiction for me as it used to be. the picture doesn't do him justice but still an angel. Current Mood: perky

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November 15th, 2004

07:11 pm oh how things have changed. Quite alot, quite rapidly. Sitting in econ today thinking about it. Its amazing what kind of metomorphisis you can go through. Last year, i thought i was pretty much who I was going to be. So so wrong. Its not like i've turned into a totally different person, its just that my perspectives have changed. I'm open to things I used to be so against. In short, I've given up alot of silly little vandettas against an imagined world. I've come to the realization that being dressed for sucess often works...tshirts don't. Studying isnt fun...it isn't supposed to be. The things that are good for you seem boring, or nagging, but life isnt meant to be just "fun". I can't sit on my ass my whole life and expect my last name to pick up the check. I can't rely on the family to pull me through life, half asleep and protected from the world. I've seen one of my cousins pull that crap and he's a complete waste of oxygen. Realization that dreams don't just come true, you have to work for them. I've gotten out of the habit of having money handed to me and spent without thought of the value. If that made sense. Given, i'm not by any stretch wise or all-knowing now, its just, i know more than i used to, and i guess, at the end of the year, thats really what you should be asking for. Not empty material satisfaction, not someone or something to validate your existance, but the knowledge that you've learned something, because...learning is our only hope really. We're offered it, all we need to do is take it, and apply it, and achieve what we really want, deep in our hearts, past the superficial things, but down deep into the core. Validation through realization. Along with that, i've realized how many people i've come to know, and, they've all helped shape me into the person i am today, weather they're still in my life or not. To those of you who aren't around anymore, either by circumstance or by choice, i really do appreciate all that you've done for me, and as well, I am sorry. To those who may have been hurt in any form- I'm sorry for it, and hopefully I've made good on it. For all of you, I'm eternally grateful. thank you for helping me to become what i am today. Without you, i very well may have followed another path- another path that might not have been one thats lead me to as much happiness and fufillment as this one. Thank you. Thank you so much. Current Mood: happy

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October 20th, 2004

09:48 pm - who knows trouble in paradise. things are goin all crazy like.but not nessicarily in a bad way. stuff has just like, switched gears. which, once again, isnt nessecairly a bad thing.i've been getting these really weird headachesand i'm takin alot of vicodin to stop them and its makin me act all weird like i'm not sure where my heads at. i feel like i'm on morphine, if morphine was an upper. yeah, WEIRD. Current Mood: spaced

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September 26th, 2004

10:07 pm i could cry a million tears and not feel any different. who am i? i dont know. i wish i did. so lost within my own web. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Finch- Ender

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September 19th, 2004

10:39 pm Christina...please be ok, if i knew the words to say to make your world all better, i would, but i've yet to learn the lines required.i dont know how to help things.Eny, i hope you are getting enough time to rest your weary head on a soft pillow, and enough love from all sides. Kendra,I hope you are happy, because i haven't heard from you in so long and i worry sometimes. Star- Have you found yourself yet? I havent seen you in a year, and i can't help but wonder. Josh are your guitar strings helping to heal the set in your heart? and i. i remain the same. fuck it dude. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Pink Bullets

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September 12th, 2004

10:14 pm you know where i haven't been in awhile? Victorias Secret rawr. Current Mood: perky Current Music: Killers- Andy you're a star

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September 6th, 2004

11:37 pm - BLIZZAM ok, so, i'm updating in my LJ again, because i like it better than suckass xanga. BLAH. Having a best friend whose smitten with a boring boy is an arduous experience. One that leads me to making pillows. and wristbands. oh, the pathos. Maybe if i get really bored, i'll post the pictures. Oh, and school still sucks. ta! Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Dancin with Myself- BILLY IDOL

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August 25th, 2004

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August 17th, 2004

12:13 pm - for enydoll Your karmic zodiac is GEMINI. Good Qualities: You are the master of compromise. And with Mercury, the planet of ideas in your court you are a natural born problem solver. When a situation arises among those in your group, you usually find a way to bring things back to normal and diffuse the situation. You have a silver tounge, and know what to say, when to say it, and who to say it to! Bad Qualities: You are often indecisive, and this is sometimes misinterpreted by others as being wishy-washy. You don't tend to stand your ground, because you don't know which side of the fence to stand on! Best Match: Aquarius Best to Avoid: Pisces, Cancer. What's your Karmic Zodiac Sign? brought to you by Quizilla hey, we're a good match! whoo! Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Franz Ferdinand- Auf Achse

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August 16th, 2004

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August 15th, 2004

11:29 pm - yeeeHAW.... i'm home! i've missed alot of people here but now i'm missing a very special person there. its really not fair sometimes. all those of you i've neglected- i'm making up for it! in fact, i've posted pictures! GO TO LE XANGA! Current Mood: jet lagged Current Music: tears for fears

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July 17th, 2004

12:32 am although i've got alot of good going for me- my lifes in total fucking shambles. I lost my best friend, I'm never true, I dont even fucking drive. what the hell is my fucking problem...everyone has drifted from me in a way...except one...why he stays i dont know...i'm fucking hopeless with all the hope in the world. sometimes i just want to give up Current Mood: kind of hurt Current Music: Horrorpops- where they wander

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July 11th, 2004

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July 9th, 2004

07:05 pm why do i always miss the people i've decided not to miss? because underneath my resolves i'm really just an indecisive fuck. an indecisive fuck with a future, but one that i cant read real well anymore. i give. fuck me gently with a chainsaw. i sure am saying fuck alot today... i wonder if these people i miss...do they they miss me? Or should i even think about it? Wasnt i the one who cut it off? At first i think i know, only to realize i truly dont. its hard to say how i feel when i dont know. So much has changed lately, that its frightening. a few people i thought i'd have around forever, i dont have anymore. I dont know if its good or bad in the long run, but i do know i'm not happy now. I'm leaving in 8 days and i've left so many loose ends behind me. Current Mood: jumbled Current Music: Rawthang- Unity Netrunner

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July 7th, 2004

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July 2nd, 2004

12:59 pm - le sigh brandon and andrew stayed over for a 2 days at my place. it was much fun. kind of confusing between brandon and i though... we still dont know what we are to eachother... which makes everything more difficult, because we're still very much still attracted to eachother. we shake eachother up, in a good way... he can have such a beautiful smile, so at peace. my minds all over the place. so many things have changed. Current Mood: fuzzy around the edges

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June 27th, 2004

02:24 pm i dont get it. i dont want to lose any friends but some of them...seem like they dont wanna spend any time with me at all. I call but phonecalls arn't returned. I suggest hanging out but they'd rather wait till i'm almost out of town. Just because i'm not leaving right away doesn't mean you can ignore me till i do. I dont know what to think. I called you on the phone today and you sounded bored to death. You sounded like you do when you talk to zack. i just really dont know what you want me to do, but i'm not happy, thats for sure. Current Mood: upset

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June 23rd, 2004

10:23 pm oh my god. i cried- no, SOBBED, for the first time ever in a movie theater today. the notebook. its beautiful. you all need to see it and cry your eyes out. i love that movie, i love kendra, and i love eny.I cried in a movie. me. and had someone else to cry with. and left still all whimpery. and saw our friends wave to us as we passed thier car in the other lane. i feel real for the first time in a long time. beautiful. Current Mood: energized, enlightened Current Music: Franz Ferdinand

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June 22nd, 2004

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